who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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