She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just high enough for therapy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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