Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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