Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
