This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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