I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
