i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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