I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
