Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
