I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize