no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?