I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
