i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.