I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
