splinters make it hard to masturbate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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