I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
