I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
