I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my poor anus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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