meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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