U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
