dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
50% drunk capacity currently
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
