I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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