How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
