I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
