I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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