apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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