i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
