so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Quick, to the slutcave!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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