: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
