I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
