idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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