It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
