Sry I called you an 8
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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