I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
