The maid of honor just puked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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