i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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