I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
