Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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