Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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