I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
