I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
