Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
