She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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