got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
