hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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