I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
