I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
