Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
