too bad you live with your parents still
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
