How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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