just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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