So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
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Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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