i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
