Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
