I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
