Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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(480): View more from Arizona

oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job

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(203): View more from Connecticut

nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.

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(720): View more from Colorado

So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

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(661): View more from California

Are you okay?

(1-661): View more from California

I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!

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(631): View more from New York

She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING

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