I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
