So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
