if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
