woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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