can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
