i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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