I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
