i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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