Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
