I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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