Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
