Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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