Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
