Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
