walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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