Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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