if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
