It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
