ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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