I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
