How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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