"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
