Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
